When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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