jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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