You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
