Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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