I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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