You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
