Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
