I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We are two peas in an std pod
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
