Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
