Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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