I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize