I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
its not stalking. its research.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
