I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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