It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
