Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
