did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
