You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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