don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
