Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
