You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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