I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
