I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Randomize
