i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
