you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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