Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
