WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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