They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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