She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize