i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
