before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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