I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize