the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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