If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
