genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
