I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
