I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
