So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
