if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's the barista slut.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
