I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
