im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
