the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
