I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
