I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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