i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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