since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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