when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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