I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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