I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
