Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
