I am in a vortex of obligation.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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