he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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