I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
