Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
