it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
