i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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