you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
