70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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