I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
