Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
