first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
