you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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