I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I will pee on everything he values.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
