Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
