I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize