i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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