I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
