Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
