Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
