i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How external is "for external use only"?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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