goodnight i made you a song goodbye
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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