i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
