He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
