she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
