You're so nebulous sometimes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
